i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
