That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
