Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Randomize
