The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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