Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
