Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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