actually, I'm a sock model
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
