Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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