Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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