Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
