On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I think I sprained my soul last night
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Randomize