when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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