I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
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