Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
