she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
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