i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I'm passing your future prison.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Randomize
