CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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