I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize
