remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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