Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
