he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Randomize
