i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
