k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
