She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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