I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Randomize
