i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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