HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
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