Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
im having a threesome with these popsicles
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize