I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
operation harelip BJ is a go
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
