thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
