Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
