I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
