she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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