I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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