Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
