I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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