Well douche your snatch and let's go!
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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