And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
