Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
where are my pants?
in the oven.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
