the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
