i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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