Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Randomize
