i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
