Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize