smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
