you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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