I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Randomize
