just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Randomize
