mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
