can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize