You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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