Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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