Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
