Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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