you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
