is your mom at the bar?
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
