My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
