Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
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