YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Randomize
