fuck your aforementioned shoe
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
