i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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