Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
