I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
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