Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize