we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
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