he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Randomize
