Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Randomize
