I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Hippo gnu deer
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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