he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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