My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
When did angry sex become our thing?
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
