Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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