genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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