"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
