Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
