dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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