WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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