So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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