Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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