I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
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