Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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