Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Pants 0. Shit 1.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Randomize