so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
