If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
