I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Randomize
