I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
