Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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