Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Randomize
