So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize
