I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Randomize
