I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
He passed out mid-signature
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
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