U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Randomize
