I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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