remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
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