can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Do you remember whose house we're in?
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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