Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize