sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
Randomize
