Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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