we're chasing vodka with high fives
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
