had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
