2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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