Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
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