you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize
