What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
