Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
