I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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