Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
