I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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