the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
