Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
