Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
