someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
