He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
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