THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
