STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
