Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize