It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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