Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
