i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Randomize
